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If I could write a letter to me and send it back in time to myself at 17
First I'd prove it's me by saying look under your bed
There's a Skoal can and a Playboy no one else would know you hid
And then I'd say I know it's tough when you break up after seven months
And yeah, I know you really liked her, and it just don't seem fair
All I can say is pain like that is fast, and it's rare.
And oh, you got so much going for you, going right
But I know at 17, it's hard to see past Friday night
She wasn't right for you
And still you feel like there's a knife sticking out of your back
And you're wondering if you'll survive but
You'll make it through this and you'll see
You're still around to write this letter to me.
At the stop sign at Tomlinson and Eighth
Always stop completely
Don't just tap your brakes
And when you get a date with Bridget
Make sure the tank is full
On second thought forget it
That one turns out kinda cool
Each and every time you have a fight
Just assume you're wrong and dad is right
And you should really thank Mrs. Brinkman
She spent so much extra time
It's like she sees the diamond underneath
And she's polishing you 'til you shine.
And oh, you got so much going for you, going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night
Tonight's the bonfire rally but you're staying home instead
Because if you fail algebra, mom and dad will kill you dead but
Trust me you'll squeak by and get a C
And you're still around to write this letter to me.
You've got so much up ahead
You'll make new friends, you should see your kids and wife
And I'd end by saying have no fear
These are nowhere near the best years of your life.
I guess I'll see you in the mirror
When you're a grown man
P.S. go hug Aunt Rita every chance you can.
If I could write a letter to me...
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When I was 17, I was having a tough time with some things. If you know me, you know what they are. I'll just leave it at that. I thought my world was ending and my life was over. I couldn't possibly recover. Not from this. How can God do this to me? I thought He wanted me to be happy?? I am NOT happy! And I am NOT happy with God!!!!!! Forget church, forget prayer. Forget trying to live life faithfully. Forget really living. No, I was not suicidal, but I also didn't care what my life consisted of. Alcohol and drugs never really came into my life, but I would have welcomed them I'm sure. At that point, I really didn't care. I didn't care about anything. My life, my world, my body.
But my family I did care about. That was the only thing. I hid my misery as much as I could. I didn't want them to worry. I wanted them to know that I still loved them, if nothing else. But I felt like I would never be happy again. The only sliver of happiness I felt was when I was with them.
And my best friend Anastasia.
Anastasia understood. Not that my family didn't, but sometimes I needed someone other than family to talk to. When she was upset, she would cry on my shoulder. And when I was upset, I would cry on hers. Sometimes literally. We spent lots of time in the ROTC class and bathroom crying, talking, and trying to make sense of this crazy world. Where would I have gone if I didn't have her? There's no telling where I'd be. People didn't understand us, but we liked that. It was like we were in our own little world and nobody else was allowed in. They would get lost anyways.We could always make each other laugh. She'd say, "Hurry say something funny, before I start crying again." We had a bond that could not be broken. A special bond that I will forever cherish.
Now back to the song I was talking about. My sister made me listen to this song when I was smack in the middle of my no-good miserable life, thinking it couldn't get any better. She said, "This is your song." "I promise it will get better." And,"You have so much going for you, don't ruin it." I was kind of aggravated at the time thinking that she had no right to tell me these things because she couldn't possibly understand and I didn't want to talk about it. I never wanted to talk about it.
But then I realized she did understand. She really did get it. She knew because she had been there too. She was telling the truth. I was going to make it through this. I will still be here despite the agony I was feeling.
Since that first time I heard that song, I tried to take control of my life. I decided I would no longer suffer.
My sister saved me.
I needed to quit feeling sorry for myself . I DO have a lot going for myself. I have a fantastic family and a best friend I could really count on. And a life to be proud of. I wasn't there yet, but I would be one day, and I had to just keep telling myself that. That made me feel better. A little better every day.
After a little while, I found my happiness again. I found my Christopher. He popped up out of nowhere, ready to sweep me off my feet. We fell in love quickly. He was willing to deal with all my crazy problems at the time, and dealt with them well. He never left my side and loved me unconditionally. That is exactly what I needed. I needed to see that someone could love me for who I was, issues or not. I was not a worthless piece of trash and I could make somebody really happy. He did not try to change me. He embraced my lifestyle, my hobbies, my sense of adventure, my love of simple things, my craziness, and even my family. I knew I would love him forever. I knew we would be inseparable. I knew I would be spending the rest of my life with him. I cannot wait to marry my soul mate.
God has blessed me with a wonderful life. God has ALWAYS blessed me with a wonderful life. I was always blessed, whether I realized it or not. My life was not over, my world was not crashing down, I just had to wake up and crawl out of the black pit I had made for myself. I could not ask for more. I thank God every day for looking over me and giving me what I need. I have never been on my own. He has never left me. He has given me a beautiful body that I should respect, a family that I could not live without, and a man that not only loves me but loves Him as well. My life is perfect. My life is beautiful. My life is worth living. Really living.
♥[[so happy]]♥
This is a beautiful post, Ginny. I read every word of the song, and cried. I've heard it before, but it didn't hit such a strong chord as it does today. Maybe it's because I have this 15yo girl walking around the house, and I have no idea what she's thinking much of the time. (Or, it could be the same reason I've been crying at every TV commercial I've seen today -- hormones maybe?) :o)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, after I read the song, I read your post, and was drowning in purple puddles all over again. I'm glad you were blessed with people to get you through that dark time. Sometimes our journeys lead us inward, and it's difficult to find our way back out again. Interestingly, those times are like a wall that we have to go through. We can't go over them, or around them, or even under them. We can try to shoot them full of holes to make a shortcut for ourselves. But, ultimately, we have to go through. But, when we get to the other side, what a bright, beautiful place we find! Enjoy this special time! Savor it. You are indeed blessed.
Suzanne
Ginny I'm so glad that you found yourself, and that you found God again. They were never gone. They were there the whole time, you just had to realize it. The greatest thing about this hardship you had to overcome is that now you know you can get through anything. You are a beautiful, strong person, and I knew it all along. From the outside, nobody could understand why you thought so little of yourself. Everyone could see the amazing Ginny that you really were. You just had to see it too. You are such a joy to be around, and anyone who doesn't have you in their life is missing out on a wonderful thing.
ReplyDeleteI am so blessed to have you in my life, and I will always be here to save you. You probably don't realize it, but you save me too. <3
=')
ReplyDelete